Most conversations about feedback focus on how to give it well. Farrah Mitra, one of 12 certified Radical Candor coaches worldwide, gets asked just as often about the other side: how to receive it without apologizing for it or getting defensive.
Both reactions — over-apologizing and getting defensive — do the same damage. They discourage the person who took the risk to give the feedback, and over time, they train a team to stop offering it at all.
Feedback is a gift, no matter how hard it is to give or to hear.
Start by Empathizing With the Feedback-Giver
Giving feedback is uncomfortable, even in a culture that actively welcomes it. Giving it to someone in a position of authority is harder still.
Farrah describes a teammate who spent thirty minutes drafting a two-sentence email just to ask for a meeting to share feedback with her directly, then rehearsed it with their own manager beforehand.
Remembering how much effort that took shapes how the feedback gets received on the other end.
Thank Them, Then Play It Back
Before responding to the substance of the feedback, a simple thank you sets a different tone for the rest of the conversation.
Repeating the feedback back afterward does two things: it shows the person they were heard, and it gives the receiver a moment to process before jumping to next steps.
This is also the natural point to ask for examples, though Farrah cautions on timing. Asked too early, a request for examples can feel like the receiver is trying to poke holes rather than understand.
Set Next Steps, Then Actually Follow Through
Next steps don't need to be an elaborate plan delivered on the spot. Even a small, visible step, like taking time to sit with the feedback before responding, signals that it was taken seriously.
If a team member asks for more connection across the team, for example, an immediate next step might be as small as carving out fifteen minutes in the next round of one-on-ones to understand what that means for each person.
Sharing that first step back with the person who gave the feedback, and later circling back on what was learned, closes the loop and makes it more likely they'll speak up again next time.
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